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    15/10/2007

    什么是状态


         究竟什么是状态,我至今未弄明白。
         人们都说考研一定要进入状态,这样复习才有效果,最后考试才可能成功。如同场上的球员一样,没有进入状态,再大牌也无济于事。
         我很想进入状态。——可这状态不是想来就来的。
         毕竟虚度了三个年头,想重新拾起从前的辉煌和自信,难度不小。
         最重要的,也是最难的一门,同时也是我最担心的,恰恰最不能进入状态。这真是个莫大的讽刺。越在乎,越花时间,却越不能遂人愿。我很难过,也很恐慌。因为我的时间不多了。
         连续两天6点50分起床,挤着公交车去上辅导班。我都有些佩服自己,怎么能够睡醒,怎么能够起来?以前设置了n个闹铃都不能吵醒我,这回只想一声便将我拉离了梦乡。看来意志的力量不小。
         这力量能转化为实际的分数吗?现今我最梦寐以求的就是这个。可以不睡觉,可以不逛街,可以不吃饭,可以不打球,但不能没了分数。我愿意用一万个“不可以”来交换这个“不能”。
         现在终于体会了不能继续深造的滋味。以前的路太顺了,不能感受旁人落榜的痛楚。如今身边的人保研、出国,而我却看不到丁点儿胜利的曙光,对比之下,心中的酸痛油然而生。
         你一定要知道,我并非攀比,只是不想失去……一些人和事,总是难以放下。
         我不想和身边的人拉开距离,不想看着在乎的人逐渐远去。听着家人的殷切希望和兴奋心情,我很难过。很可能会让他们失望,不知那时该怎样去面对。
    太想成功了。除了梦里,无时无刻都在憧憬。如果落伍,我会不甘心。
         老天,我能成功吗?谁能助我一臂之力吗?
         哪怕只是稍稍抚慰幼小的心灵。Telephone receiver
     

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