greattao 的个人资料Mind of Jesse -- 这里停止更新，...日志列表留言簿更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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2006/9/29 王者归来 真的很开心,终于到家了。漫长的铁路旅途总是给人以不安，还好中途补上的卧铺带来了稍稍的慰藉。有些纳闷，列车长为啥轻易就答应给补卧铺呢？我又没“条子”。有点“天上掉馅饼”的感觉。是她突发慈悲，还是因为我……谁知道呢？ 下了火车，天还没亮。一个人走在马路上，迎着习习的凉风，十分的惬意。一会儿到了家，开了门，蹑手蹑脚的过了饭厅，直奔厨房，饿啊！家里都还没起床呢，想给他们一个惊喜。果然，两分钟后妈妈才确认“闯”进的不速之客是儿子而不是“贼”。挺玄乎的啊。 好久没有能随意安排行程的假期了，虽然这次很短。可以轻松一阵子了，远离喧嚣。 不知道大家怎么样了？都在逍遥吗？ 哇，不好，睡意朦胧。一到家就想睡——温馨的港湾原来竟有如此之魅力。 回来就好。 2006/9/26 十一未至 十一未至，归期将至。
中国什么都缺，就是不缺人。这句话虽有些夸张，可当你看到火车站200米的长队，不得不佩服其精髓之处。置身其中，嘈杂声，叹气声，叫骂声，再配以比蜗牛还慢的移动速度，可谓是五味俱全。周日怀着归期似箭的心情，我加入了其中。顶着腰背的阵痛，熬过三小时之后，终于被推到了售票窗口跟前。果不其然，卧铺票全无，无奈之下，只好买回一张普快硬座将就。可并不甘心，下午又再次前往，还是失望而归。望着熙攘的人群，听着嘈杂的人声，看着颠倒的场景，感受着强烈的国民劣根性，我想诅咒。诅咒中国庞大的人口数，诅咒政府的无能和漠视，诅咒资源的稀缺与分配严重不均衡，还有群体的愚昧和世俗盲从，似乎是在埋怨这一切……
二战前欧洲就已出现的列车乘客包厢在二十一世纪的中国大陆还是那么的遥远。当上个世纪的电影中绅士们在火车上悠闲的看着报纸，聊着时政时，我都在怀疑自己是不是生活在现代。物质上的落后固然遗憾，精神上的落后最可怕。
中国的市场经济距离欧盟承认的标准还很远，梦想中的帕累托最优状态更是遥遥无期。
 和谐，以人为本，科学发展观，纸上的美好，我却感觉不到。
这个月一直被迷茫所困惑，专业课上的没劲，vfp的书看不下去，兴趣爱好在畸形演变，个人问题也布满荆棘，很不顺。就连中行的借记卡也不发给我。莫非是要逼迫我改名？中国总是这样，明明对方的问题总是能变成你的问题，对方的缺陷总是能转化成你的缺陷。地位上的弱势让你面对垄断时只能选择忍受和退却，尽管你也被宣称是“上帝”，他们提供的也是所谓的“服务”。当操作 无法进行时，他们会责怪你的姓名太偏僻，却从不去考虑自己系统的落后和无知。新选的拉丁语课更是让人有些捉摸不定，天啊，这么多的词汇和语法可怎么办？内心里曾把ncre看作是道坎，过去后生活就会正常了，上该上的课，看该看的书，做该做的事。很美妙，不是吗？的确这几天忽然间又燃起了对知识的渴望，拿起那本Comparative International Accounting就不愿放下，还有Wheelock's Latin在书架上静静的休憩。
幸好，借着这段假期好好调整，寻找曾经的感觉。十一，我已麻木；中秋，从无感觉。但我坚定了一个信念，路一定要好好走，让该死的铁路运输系统早日上天堂。 2006/9/20 Just Confused For days, since the beginning of this term I feel very confused. So many things happened. And somebody infective. All these are perplexing so that I often have a bee in my head. I didn't mean to do that. But it happened.
Oh, my God! As a child, I always dreamed to be a adult who could do many things which children couldn't do. I made a naive mistake, I find at this time of day. More and more problems will be dealt with when we grow up. Two years ago, when I was a freshman, I didn't need to consider too much, just had fun. No one can restrict you. Nothing either. Dad would do remitting of money on schedule. You just needed to do what pigs did every day. Actually, these two light-hearted years has past. And I will be 21 years old soon. Everything doesn't looks like what they appeared before any more.
I am changing. You are changing. All the world is changing. What could I do in this changing world while changing people are nearby?
You must know I don't want to beside myself. I expect I am doing the right. No matter whom I do these for? Me, the family, or sb.? I don't know and I don't want to know at the moment.
Suddenly I become aware that being a junior is too tiring. You cannot help but think deeply so as to doubt whether you are covered with gloomy days. It's painful, I swear. But every day it is a sunny day here. Am I played tricks on? Who knows? I wish an answer.
This summer at home, Dad talked a lot with me about the graduate admission examination. I know he is ambitious for his son. And I have great ambition all the time. School work, career, life, all these are what I desire for. Nobbut at present proper plans haven't been found. Long long way.
And this Saturday I will take NCRE for vfp. I haven't been ready. Sitting on bed for days, but no word in mind. At this time, book is a stranger to me. At home in August I reviewed the book every night. But I couldn't concentrate on books after back to school. I wonder WHY. Not only my own issues, but also the family & the others. Especially some boresome things influence me much. They are not critical for the moment. But I can't control myself. Dad told me not to take much time to find out where the true love is while studying. I am breaking my word. Sorry. I'm afraid that I have known what to do after sth. firmed my judgement. It's on the road.
I have treated this Space as the bank of my wet heart. I dare to say. Though here is more lonely than before. Fewer come here to feel the solitude. From Live Space statistics, you just see zero below number of peope visited. Anyway, I would like to share my mood and mind here.
Lost time is never found again.
And so far so good. This is all of myself. 2006/9/14 逃避连载 想了好久，还是回到了键盘上。
之所以思虑再三，是因为最近想的好多，头绪茫然，要写的一大篇，让我无从下手。
但不想连载。
这样太累。
已经是junior了，说真的，还不太适应这个角色。Oh Jesus, just tell me what to do!
新学期的这几天，老师讲了很多，师兄讲了很多，同学也聊了很多，听的心里痒痒的，大脑也有些发热了。考研，出国，从政，飞黄腾达……又在遐想了。
想了这么多，感到了愈来愈越大的压力。前途在哪啊？
也许在很多人，特别是父辈的亲友看来我将来一定很有出息，其实自己一直否认。结果被人说是过分谦虚。心里明白，外人所指的出息是与他们自身地位成就相比，我当然比他们强了。遗憾的是，对“出息”的定义不同。毕竟Benz和Santana都有人需要。
这几天一直在看TVB的《新上海滩》，好久没这样对电视剧感兴趣了。突然觉得自己要是许文强就好了，可惜没受过这么多的磨难。身材，帅气，智慧，胆识，似乎一个优秀男人所有的他都具备，只可惜结局太悲壮。这也再次论证了一个公理，世界是公平的，你不可能得到所有，即使是在这个不公平的社会里。不过，教科书上一直是这样写着“公理是人们在长期的实践中总结出来的正确的命题”，也就是不需要证明了。可是为什么现实中很多事往往返回逻辑假.F.呢？是谁在欺骗谁？
真的很可笑。 2006/9/7 About Love2006/9/1 Before LeavingToday is September 1th. This summer holiday is over. And a new semster has come. Although I don't want to, I will leave for Beijing this afternoon. I am still very attached to this land, my home. But this is life. I have to go. Every day one must do some things that he isn't fond of. I'm aware that. So many things happened this summer. So many words hid in my heart. I only want to say" Twenty years past. I couldn't be a kid any more. I have thought of what a adult should think of for several years. I ought to do what a adult should do now." I meant to share all of my thoughts these days with you. Unfortunately, I have no time to do that. Other things important are waited for me. I also would like to have talked with the family. We all need communication. I'm sure all of these will be done later. Unbelievable, I am a junior now. Am I growing old? How time flies! What should I do in the new term? Dad has had a lot of plans. Of course I am considering that. NCRE, CET, major courses and private problems. It sounds fearful. My complex mood affects me at all times. And it makes my mind lack of logic. Writing can't avoid that either. A French song, Ce train qui s'en va can tell you the situation. |
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