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    10/31/2006

    今天就这样结束了

    零点前,是重阳节;零点后,是万圣节。一中一西,有些巧合。
    不过对我没有什么影响,都是可有可无的“节日”。
    最近不知为何,一直在逼迫自己不要去想,很空虚。
    现在课不比以往集中,大家见面的机会也少了。约了一朋友一起吃晚饭,按她的说法是“我要请她吃饭”。
    下课了,休息会,整理下仪表,出门了。奇怪,竟然让我等了不到1分钟就下楼了,意料之外。
    一起出了校园,难免遇到熟人,难免有些尴尬。
    走着,聊着,路不长,也就到了。
    接下来当然是落座,步入主题了,怎么也得有点绅士风度。
    也应了那句话,我来吃自助就是给人送钱来了。净招呼她了,自己一直没怎么大动干戈。
    这个并不重要,大家开心就好了。
    两人吃着,聊着,笑着,时间就这样流逝。
    她今天表现得还行,虽然不是每个人都说她漂亮人好(毕竟人不能完美啊),一笑一颦,看着还真舒服。
    甚至流露了那么一点点sexy,不过忘了告诉她了。
    谈着,谈着,一直围绕着我的心路历程,感觉就像控辩双方在交锋。原来我不是,至少在她看来,不是心目中的hero。
    因为太胆怯,顾虑太多。
    缺乏勇气。
    我也不想这样下去啊。
    指出了她的存在,答复是“哈哈,哪里,我们是战友”。
    干脆的一句对白,使我不免一惊,不知道算不算被泼冷水。
    这么久了,连我们之间的角色都没理清,悲哀。
    都怪自己太在乎。
    想想真的很有趣,两人眼神交流,聊的却是别人,或是自己和别人。
    是大度,还是早早的置身度外?希望结局是完美的--我一直在想。
    不管怎样,和她一起的感觉很好,并不奢求什么。即使她的bf是偶尔提起的别人。
    曾经以为自己很坚定,现在也很踟躇。
    QQ签名换成了“其实自习也可以幸福 虽然没有你^”,同学追问所指之人。
    自己一直笑而强调指代somebody。谁又明白我内心的焦灼?
    不远处的你,很近的她,有些距离的2;放心,肯定不是他。
    还没有决定。
    10/25/2006

    To r.k.zayara

    From the statistics, I saw that you put the link of my Space in the list of your Space. Thank you for your appreciation.Now what I desire most is that you could see these words.
       It's funny. I visited your Space this summer holiday by accident. And strange feelings came into being. One seeing the title of the website, I found that this Space was different from most of others. So was the master of it. That's a complex mood. It's at night. But my heart couldn't be quiet any more. I dare to say that your Space is the best page what I have ever seen. Colour, words, pictures, thoughts, etc. They all attracted me very much. For some reasons, I just remained a few holiday words.
       To my surprise, you replied. And not few words. Obviously, you read my blog seriously. Although you didn't understand Chinese, you concentrated on all of the articles which were written in English. You gave me kindly and true comments. And you praised me. It's the first time that someone has considered my composition in my Space perfect. I know that all of your words are not perfunctory. By contraries, they tell us your heart perfectly. I was moved at that time.
       We come from different countries and don't know each other. I don't know what you are, either. Differences in culture and languages too. However, it couldn't keep us from appreciating mind of the other's. So I continued to visit your Space after that day. One day I found that your Space was changed. Guests couldn't leave a word in your blog. The function of comment was canceled. What a pity! I never thought that would happen. But that's true. At present we could only read your heart in silence.
       Since in the Internet, maybe you have forgotten me and my Space. But I remember you and your Space all along. As you said, I come to your Space and read what I could. Out of question, your articles are worth reading. Though I can't catch all meanings, I still get grace, beauty, kindness and sincerity. I like your style. Maybe our personalities clicked. Some may think me a bit insane. But I am eager to rap off with you.
       Something may happened to you. Even you changed the data and time format. Anyway, people need the rights to put their comments in one's Space. And you need praise too, like me. Haha, I am joking.
       Best wishes for you. And have a nice day.

    生命仍然脆弱

         沉重的数据:
         2004年3月11日       北师大一名男子从科技楼B区11层跳下身亡
         2004年4月16日       北师大一名研究生跳楼自杀
         2004年8月30日       北师大地理楼前一女研究生坠楼身亡
         2004年11月11日      北师大一毕业生不堪就业压力自杀
         2005年6月4日         北师大一名韩国留学生自该校公寓楼7层跳下身亡。
         2006年6月28日       北师大管理学院一名博士生导师从主楼西侧跳楼身亡
         2006年暑假期间       京师园小区两位老师先后跳楼身亡
         2006年10月22日      北师大科技楼一名女生跳楼身亡

         这些天是怎么了?原来生命真的很脆弱。
         整个校园陷入了一个怪圈。
         一个接一个的做着匀加速运动,究竟是为了什么?
         其实一直需要探寻生命的意义。
         现在感受强烈而迫切。
         今天完成最后一次跳投,对手猛扑过来,手都封到了脸上。落地那一瞬间,我的脚重重的踩在他的鞋上,“啊”的一声尖叫,真是撕心裂肺般的剧痛。想做保护性动作已经来不及了,崴脚了!
         原来自己是这么的脆弱。
         生命教育的缺失就在此处体现的淋漓尽致。
         下一步又会怎样?
         只有云南白药气雾剂……
     
    10/18/2006

    About Love

    Learn to listen respectfully, for love knocks at the door lightly.
    Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
    To forget a person whom you love is as difficult as to remember a person whom you have never met.
    10/10/2006

    Space的周年自白

         外面细雨霏霏,屋内也是异常的静谧。听着Kenny G的萨克斯,想想这过去的一个年头。同样是金秋十月,先前是在北京,今天则是在家中。不知不觉,这颗岁月的小树上又增加了一圈年轮。
         没有华丽的词藻,平实也无从谈起,权当是随遇而安,到了文尽的时候自会停止。
         这一年来Space都经历了些什么?官方的改版升级,自己涂鸦式的更换页面,日志也是一篇篇的增加。说过不少心思,也发过不少的牢骚。知道的也好,不知道的也好;理解的也好,不理解的也好——都过去了,逝去的自然不能挽回。
        “回顾过去,把握现在,展望未来”,难免的再次落入俗套说了这么一句。很简单的一条时间主轴线,人生不过如此沉浮于其中,真的很奇妙。
         ,这是我对My Space的三字概括,风格有些沉重了。其实客观上我也不想造就如此基调,无奈老化的文字风格,下笔便如同一个“思想者”,想着,想着,就“出事”了。一拿起笔就刹不住车,这日志的更新速度是不是有点唬人?
         国庆在家闲着也是闲着,一直想写个长假小记,叙叙遇见的一些人,记记经历的一些事。得征询大家的意见。唉,又是句套话,就这可怜的日流量,还不如问自己。
         挺羡慕人家发表论文的,得过奖的那更是要竖起大拇指了。名人出书的也很有胆量,“出卖”自己的确需要勇气。很想写个小传,My Life,多简洁的书名啊。可惜被克林顿抢了先——谁让人家比我早生几十年呢?再想想吧,大家有了好的提议千万要告诉我。
         天色已晚,就先到这吧。饱暖才能思淫欲,该去用餐了。
         这就是我的自白,一个**人的自白。
    10/6/2006

    The Days

    So many festivals nowadays.
       Five days ago it was National Day. And today is Mid-Autumn Day. The former is statutory, while the latter not. So we have a three-day holiday when National Day comes. And in order to advance the development of economy, the Golden Week became true several years ago. Fortunately, the Mid-Autumn Day is in this week. Then we have two festivals.
       Suddenly, it seems that there are a lot of festivals in mainland China. Chinese, foreign; modern, ancient; and so on. Just like loving food and drink, Chinese people are always busy with many kinds of festivals. Espeically with the traditional. However, it makes no sense to me today. I eat few mooncakes this week. I don't like it. I have no good feeling of some traditional Chinese festivals. Maybe you consider me as a person who worship foreign things and fawn on foreign powers. I don't know how to retort upon you. Anyway, I don't care.
    Staying at home for too long time is a boring thing. You have no idea to do anything. You could do daydreaming instead. Just live a simple life that pigs live too. There are many differences between home and campus. In fact, I find myself not used to staying at home. Despite the delecious food. Now I am counting the rest days before I leave for school. 7,6,5,4,…
       It's too terrible. I'm just away from the school for a few days. But now I can't remember many things. Thinking is out of control. I looks like a mute person because I couldn't show you what my mood is. My hot head makes you see hundreds of meaningless words lie here.
       Writing can hurt you at last. I won't let my heart control my head, like Celine singing.